Thursday, October 6, 2011

Double Standards 101

I am scared of germs. There. I said it.
I wash my hands entirely too much, especially when cooking.
I feel like if I touch anything that carries bacteria, i.e. salmonella or E.Coli. I must wash my hands else I spread it all over everything I touch next; the refrigerator door, the pull on the cabinet and the one the drawer, the jug of milk, the salt shaker, the faucet, the oven knobs and the list could go on forever.
By the time I'm finished I've gone through a ridiculous amount of paper towels, a half of a bottle (or more) of soap and I've used surface wipes on anything that I may have touched while contaminated. All that after touching one piece of raw chicken. Three pieces to go! :)

When we go out to eat I use hand sanitizer directly after reviewing the menu and selecting my food. Then I strategically put it where I don't have to hand the menu to the server, therefore, they can just pick it up and I don't have to re-sanitize. Because the thought of every person who has touched the menu before me is nauseating. I then make a silent vow not to touch anything until I eat. I have been seen using napkins to hold the salt and pepper shakers; just think about all the people who have sat there before you who touched the shakers, now that is scary stuff. I don't know about you but I immediately thought about wee Timmy who didn't wash his hands after going to the bathroom, Aunt Myrtle who just had a coughing attack and don't forget Uncle Rube who was just in his truck petting the farm dog, Louise. <-- That last sentence got pretty imaginative, eh? I did have almost as many imaginary friends than real friends in elementary school so to say that I have an active imagination is the understatement of the year.

There is just something about germs, maybe it's because they're so conditional and I like things that are concrete. Like if you touch the boiling water it will burn you or if you put your finger in the electrical outlet it will shock you. Germs, however, are totally unpredictable; they can sometimes harm you but most likely your immune system will take care of it without you even knowing there was something wrong. But then there is that small chance that you get exposed to the germ that is the next big, terrible disease. And you die. Haha, probably not but that was getting pretty intense, I had to lighten it up by making it sound more dire than it probably would be.

As I'm sitting here reading over the paragraph I just wrote I started to wonder why the title of this post was Double Standards 101, oh yeah...I remember now.

I am a habitual nail biter.

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