Last night I dreamed of my Pawpaw.
I was sitting in the living room at my parent's house, he was sitting in a recliner. I know for certain that I was lecturing someone about something they had done that I felt was inappropriate. (Shocker, I know.)
I had to leave, so I went to tell him goodbye. I was standing in front of him and he asked me to help him up. I did. He embraced me and it felt so real. I could smell Old Spice on his neck and feel the warmth of his arms around me and I could hear him saying "I love you" over and over in my ear. While I hugged him I sobbed...loud sobs. And I told him how much I loved him.
And then I left. I left. I can't believe I left. Why would I willingly leave someone who is no longer on this earth? The only reason I can think of is because in my dream he was far from gone, he was sitting right there...very much alive telling me he loved me.
When I woke up this morning, that dream was the only one I could remember. It felt so real that I momentarily forgot that he was gone. I was angry with myself, angry that I left, angry that I didn't hug him once more and angry that I didn't recognize the significance of that moment. It was only a dream, I know that. But it felt so real that when I realized that he was in fact gone, I started to cry.
Even though he's gone and I am sad that he's gone I am grateful that I have so many memories of him and with him. He was an amazing man who had a precious soul and a tender heart but also had a hard head. (And family members who possess that same hard head consider it a honor!) :)
I love you Pawpaw, and I miss you everyday.