Thursday, December 16, 2010

eighty-one

Today is the 81st day that Mr. Ski and I have been smoke free.

Yet, it feels like I stopped smoking yesterday.

Why is this so hard for me? Why can't I see/feel/comprehend the benefits my body's experienced since I stopped smoking eighty days ago?

I don't think anything tastes or smells better or even different for that matter, I don't feel any different at all actually. Also, I don't think we've saved any money...I know we have but I can't see that in the check register. So why am I feeling so bitter? Probably because:

I'm bitter that it has been eighty days since my last cigarette.
I'm bitter that this isn't as easy (as it seems to be) for me as it is for Mr. Ski. (Gosh, I feel bad for saying that. I'm very proud of you babe, I just wish I had more of your stick-to-it mentality)
I'm bitter that I enjoyed smoking as much as I apparently did.
I'm bitter because I can't seem to shut up about wanting a cigarette.
I'm bitter that I know I could easily fall back into smoking like I never stopped.
I'm bitter that I have to make a list of reasons why I'm bitter in order for me to see how silly I'm being.

ARGH!

As much as I want a cigarette, I will deny myself and keep quit. Because I do know deep down that I'm doing something for myself that my future self will thank me for and I would only be letting her down if I gave in now.

2 comments:

  1. you can do it!!!!

    by the way, i totally had forgotten about the ol' dead duck at 12:00. how funny we were!!

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  2. I am proud of you babe; it is easier to not want a cigarette when your strength helps feeds my will power. Thanks for being you, loving me, and looking forward to a longer life experience with me :)

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