Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Apology Postcard

Mr. Ski gets me a clever little desk calendar each year for Christmas. This year he got me the Pardon My President calendar which contains apology postcards written on behalf of the Bush Administration's short comings. This one had me laughing so hard that I just had to share. As always I hope not to offend anyone but heck, I'm from the South (TN) so if I'm not offended then...well, you should just laugh at the accuracy instead of getting angry. :)

To: Southerners
c/o The Alamo
300 Alamo Plaza
San Antonio, TX 78205

Dear Southerners,

Gone are the days when the accent evoked images of bow-tied gentlemen sipping mint julips on a shady front porch, of honest work, "yes ma'am/no sir" manners, and down-home cookin'. These have been replaced with images of NASCAR-sponsored BBQ sauce, megachurches with secretly gay pastors, and super-sized people shopping for XXL "Git R Done" T-Shirts at Wal-Mart.

So why the paradigm shift? Why has the southerner stereotype gone from genteel to dumb? After careful analysis, I've traced it back to 1953, when a young George W. Bush decided to become the only member of his family to adopt a southern accent. As president, Mr. Bush became the de facto spokesman for all southerners, a role he seemed to relish. That oversized-belt-buckle swagger. That nod to the southern pronunciation of his middle initial. That "aw shucks" persona. That rugged rancher ethos. Many of you ate it up like biscuits and gravy.

Heck, it was almost enough to make you forget that he was a Yankee-born, silver-spoon-fed, Yale-and Harvard-bred multimillionaire who didn't own a ranch until he was fifty-three years old.

So let me apologize on behalf of the Northerners, urbanites, and snobbish intellectuals who equate your drawl with dimwittedness. "Dubya" doesn't speak for y'all, and having an accent doesn't make somebody stupid.

Being stupid makes somebody stupid.

Ride along now,

U.S. Citizen


  1. Bwahahahahahahha, I love that. LOVE it.

  2. YAY! I'm glad you did...it definitely got me laughing this morning!