Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Mom




The assignment was posted by Mama's Losin' It

I decided to try it because my blog needs so much help. I do have some fragments for Friday since that's about all I can come up with. So she gives out 5 prompts and you can choose how many if any you want to do. Since I do not have a web cam I decided the video log was out of the picture...so here's my first attempt at Mama's Losin' It's writer workshop. If you want some help with blogging topics head over to Mama's Losin' It for some prompts!

--Do you want a baby?
Yes, but not right now. Yes, the sooner the better. Yes, I go to my friend's house to snuggle and play with her baby so my baby fever will subside. Yes, I can't wait to start planning and buying and reading up on being a good mom. No, what if I suck at it. No, what will I do without any sleep. No, I'm not ready to give up all the not so healthy things I do. Yes, I do want a baby despite the worry, anxiety, and sleeplessness, I want to be a mom. But I'm still afraid I'll suck at it.
Ok, so those are all the things that run through my head when I read that question, literally. I know that now is not the right time. Mr. Ski's army career is not stable...and by hearing from other army wives who have children I'm not too sure that an on-post birth is for me. Besides that, what happens if I get pregnant and 6, 7, 8 months down the road his medical board goes through and we're out of the Army no insurance and no paycheck (aside from mine, which after doing the math there's no way we could live on my paycheck alone). Yeah, yeah I'll have insurance for 180 days but what about after that? What if Mr. Ski isn't done with his degree and can't start a job with decent benefits right away. Then I would feel like complete shit for bringing a child into this world that we couldn't support fully just because I was "ready." So...he and I have discussed it and we'll just have to wait until he's out of the Army, has his degree, and has a stable job with good insurance. We're not asking for a lot..haha. Typing it out makes me seem so naive. But I'm really not, I swear.

I really want to be a mom. I want to experience being pregnant..although I'll probably only like it for a few seconds, I want to deliver our baby and hold it right afterwards crying those tears new moms always cry, I want to snuggle and baby talk, I want to see Mr. Ski hold our baby, I want to play and go to the park with our baby, I want to teach our baby things and watch her/him grow. So, yes, I do want a baby. I am totally afraid though, I'm a worry wart by nature and I'm already worrying about something I don't even have. Like, what if I can't have a baby (I don't think I would do fertility treatments, don't ask why, I just don't), what if there's something wrong with our baby, what if I'm a crappy mom, what if, what if, what if. This is one of those situations I'm going to have to turn it over to someone higher than myself, but that's hard too. Even typing what I feel about this one made me worry. Next prompt! Ha!

--Write a poem for your mother.
This should be funny. I'm not a poet and don't claim to be, so please keep that in mind.

Mom, you always love me best
even when I am a pest.
It makes me sad when I have to leave you
I cry and cry and can't help that I do.
I love the feeling of your embrace
like we are the only ones in that space.
Our bond to me is one that I will always treasure
my love for you no one can measure.
I hope one day to somehow be
as great of a mom as you are to me.

Well, that wasn't as difficult as I thought it was going to be. Sure, it's sort of a first grade poem but I think I will include it in my mom's mother's day card.

1 comment:

  1. That's a great poem and a great pic. You are wise to wait until you have some big stuff ready for your little one; you'll be glad you did.

    ReplyDelete