Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Kiosk

My dear, darling husband...I always had an idea that you were somewhat of an impulse buyer but Saturday you confirmed my beliefs. As we were walking through the mall with some friends and their oh-so-cute baby boy I turned around to tell Mr. Ski something and realized that he was no longer walking with us. I searched the area and found him standing at a kiosk...keep in mind that minutes earlier he had made a joke about the Dead Sea hand lotion people (and just to clarify I didn't purchase anything from them but they did polish one of my nails)...there he stood chatting it up with a little old lady, who will be referred to as granny from this point foward. I couldn't see the sign from where I was standing so I went over to reign him in away from the product. (Sidebar: I have absolutely no qualms with saying no. I do it quite well actually. Mr. Ski, however, does not say no well.) So, the product is Australian Eucalyptus Oil and it is supposed to take away pain from any kind of ailment. Mr. Ski has a bad back, he always is looking for relief which usually comes from the nightly back rubs he gets from me...what a good wife I am. Anywho, so granny starts talking up this product and then asks him if he'd like to try some...sure he says...granny puts on a glove and begins to rub Mr. Ski's back. Holy crap, we were knocked down by the scent..but don't you know that's how it works granny tells us. When she stepped aside for a moment I asked him two things...does it work? and how much is it? Mr. Ski confirmed that it worked (personally, I think it was because granny rubbed his back for a good five minutes, but whatever.) and that it was like $20 bucks. Ok, not too bad. Can I get it? Mr. Ski asks...and I replied with if it helps then go ahead. So there he goes, following granny to the cash register. $33 dollars (what happened to $20 bucks?!) later and I definitely won't lose him, I could pick up that scent from the other end of the mall whether or not it takes away the pain is still to be determined. Thanks Australian Eucalyptus Oil, you make my husband stinky yet easy to find!

I almost wish that mine and Mr. Ski's spending habits were reversed. But I have a feeling I will always hate to spend money. Oh, it would be absolutely awesome to go shopping and not feel angst, buyer's remorse, or the overwhelming urge to take back everything I have just bought. It's ok really, I dislike shopping anyways. I love shopping sales but I hate digging through the piles, I love trying on clothes but I hate those dreadful dressing rooms (they are too dang hot), I love shopping at outlets but hate waiting in line to pay, but mostly I dislike shopping because I always get stuck behind the slow walkers and there is nothing more frustrating than that!

Friday, March 27, 2009

Friday Fragments

Friday Fragments?


And now it's time for Friday Fragments! My Friday Fragments tend to be lengthy but head over to Mrs. 4444's blog to see how it's really done and check out her Friday Fragments!


*Gidget. Is my dog. I say my dog because Mr. Ski gets quite upset when I refer to her as our dog. They don't exactly get along...it could be the height difference, he's 6'4" and she's about 6", it could be the weight difference because she only weighs 5 pounds, or it could just be that she annoys the crap out of him...I'm guessing though that it's a combination of all three! I get it, he doesn't like her, I just don't understand why he doesn't like her. Darn it, she's cute as a button especially in sweaters and furry hats! (I think this could be another reason he doesn't like her.) But isn't she adorable?! I got Gidget before Mr. Ski and I began dating so I can understand why he doesn't have the connection with her that I have. I just really wish he did. So, since I've been travelling a lot the duties of carrying for this loveable, five pound chihuahua have fallen on his shoulders. He doesn't always get excited about this fact but has accepted it. So this last trip I was in Oregon and would call home a couple or more times a day to see what he was up to. EVERY time I called he was doing something with Gidget. Taking her outside, playing with her, and once when I called he had just gotten home from running an errand and had left her out (this has NEVER happened in her whole doggie life) I was on the phone as he got home and heard "No poop in the living room, no poop in the hallway, no poop in the kitchen....GOOD GIRL GIDGIE!" It BLEW my mind. Yet as soon as I get home it's business as usual and back to disliking Ms. Gidget! Oh well, at least he's nice to her while I'm away and she's not getting any mommy love. Now for the actual funny part...when I got home I took her outside and notice that some of her whiskers (I love the word whiskers, don't ask me why) were much shorter than the whiskers on the other side of her face. Hmm. Mr. Ski, did you cut Gidget's whiskers?! No. Then why do they look all funny. Oh, well I did play the lighter game with her. Ahhh, the lighter game. My dog is a bit of a freak and so when you light a lighter she goes INSANE running around, biting at it, acting like a nut. So as they were playing with the lighter Gidgie got a little too close to the flame and singed her whiskers! hahahahaha! Hopefully they grow back soon because she looks a little weird right now.


**Rain. Gah, rain doesn't bother me like some people although I absolutely abhor driving in the rain. I had a fairly bad accident on the interstate because I hydroplaned a couple years ago so everytime it rains I go into "granny" mode with my hands at 10 and 2, driving way way way below the speed limit and freaking out everytime I hit a puddle.


***Diet. I need to go on one of these. None of my clothes fit. Yet, I refuse REFUSE to buy new clothes that bigger, especially if I plan on going on a diet and losing weight. Buying bigger clothes would be a waste of money because I am going to lose this weight...ideally.


****DVR. I believe I blogged about my DVR in last week's FF but now I'm mad at my DVR. It's not recording our set series!!! Which means we didn't get to see Amazing Race or Lost this week. Two of our favs! The only reason we got to see Biggest Loser was because it started an hour later and the dvr happened to already be on the channel it was on so we were able to watch all of it...but it was a close call. Then I call Directv to bitch trouble shoot and the sweetest older lady after putting me on hold to research my problem hung up on me. Therefore, DVR is still broken and I'm still not happy about it.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Friday Fragments

Friday Fragments?



This is a new one for me but welcome to Friday Fragments for all those random things that made you giggle and raise your brow this week. For more Friday Fragments head over to Mrs. 4444's blog and check 'em out!


*One, let me say this...I LOVE DVR! Therefore, I watch shows that I typically wouldn't watch but because I can watch them whenever I please I find myself recording lots of random shows. One of these is 18 Kids and Counting. By no means do I want to get into a discussion about this circus sized family but I did hear something on an episode that totally cracked me up. It was when Michelle (the mom) and Jim Bob (the dad) were at a Lamaze/Bradley class prior to giving birth to number 18. The instructor began talking about cervical softening...which I guessed what that was since I've birthed no babies (thanks Gone With the Wind)...and I was right. But if in case you don't know what I'm referring to, cervical softening can be enhanced by engaging in sexual relations with your partner. So this instructor is talking about how "rigid and unloved" a cervix is if the couple believes the myth of no sex during pregnancy...um yeah, do we even need to talk about cervical softening when you have Michelle and Jim Bob in the room?! They are on baby 18, for pete's sake! Her cervix is definitely loved!


**Mr. Ski volunteers with the high school football team at Fort Campbell, he's been working with the JV and Freshmen teams which holds many funny fragments but my favorite one for this week was one of their kids who got hit pretty hard and was knocked out for a minute or two. When he came to he looked at Mr. Ski and said "When I was knocked out, I couldn't remember anything Coach!" REALLY?!?! YOU'RE KIDDING!!! I'm so surprised that you couldn't remember anything while being knocked out....oh kids.


***Recently I got a FB message from a friend of one of my older sisters. She apologized for never sending me the Ramona book series like she promised she would....when I was SIX! I didn't remember that she had let me down like that and had failed to send the books but I guess it has haunted her for the last 20 years.


****And finally, a fragment from my most favorite comedian, Mitch Hedberg: "An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You would never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience."


Make your own Friday Fragments and use Mr. Linky to attach them to Mrs. 4444's page!

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Crappy Blogger...

Ok, I've come to realize that I am in fact a crappy blogger! I would rather read a complete stranger's blog than write my own, yet, I think of all these funny things to blog about. Procrastination at it's finest, that and avoiding the work that consistently piles up on my desk. Back to reading complete strangers blogs...the ones I've stumbled across have been HILARIOUS! I've found myself in the fits of laughter covering my mouth so my giggles do not fill my rediculously quiet office which usually results in some very unsavoring snorting noises.


Back to funny blogs. Some of my favorite stranger blogs (in no special order) are: Sue at happymealsandhappyhour.blogspot.com who led me to Tena at therapyfortena.blogspot.com who led me to Halftime Lessons...sorry dude, I haven't read enough to know your name just enough to know that you are funny. OH, and I also apologize for failing at Mr. Linky! Geeze, I got the first one linked but then it wouldn't let me type anything without making it all one big link. So I gave up. Any suggestions as to how to fix this for a complete blog idiot like myself will be appreciated. Don't feel bad if I didn't list your blog as funny...I just haven't found you yet! Trust me when I say, the three I did list are worth your time and your uncontrollable laughter!

So now something funny that actually happened to me this last weekend while on a traveling excursion with my second job (which I absolutely love!). Backstory: I also work for an action photography company, my job varies from taking pictures to selling pictures to running back and forth like a moron (I will admit, it's pretty humorous to watch me run) to the tech guy when things go wrong. Anyways, back to the funny. I find myself laughing a lot at these events mostly because I answer the same fricking questions over and over again and also because some of the facials we capture are pretty darn funny. This latest trip took me to Oregon where I was asked...and I'm not making this up...."How big is the 5 x 7?" Well sir, that photo is 5 inches by 7 inches, I could tell he was embarrassed...as he should have been. Geeze, people think before you speak. And then there was the girl (probably 14) who when I asked her what her address was looked at me as if I had asked her what every digit of pi was...come on, it's your ADDRESS, the location of where you live...the place you go everyday after school. She couldn't remember so a team mom had me ship the picture to her house instead. Never once had I come across someone who didn't know their address...and lo and behold two hours later another girl around the same age had the same problem, but at least she had thought about the fact that she didn't know her address and had written it on her arm prior to placing the order with me! I can honestly say that even as a young child I knew my address. I mean, what if you had to call 911 and didn't have scribbles on your arm to reference?! I'm not a parent, but I encourage all you parents to ensure your children know their address especially if they are over the age of 10 because otherwise someone like me will blog about them.

Hopefully, I can get back into the swing of blogging but I also tend to be a little lazy at times so forgive me (all of my 2 followers, haha) for slacking!